Monday, March 29, 2010

Wrestlemania msn play by play!



For those of you out there who do like wrestling, you might find this somewhat enjoyable or just plain odd.

Here is Wrestlemania as commentated on by myself (Brent aka The Elk...blame Max Brooks) and Guesthole #1 Evan Fraiser (E.R.F.)... via msn messenger.



E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
check this link man http://channelsurfing.net/watch-wwe-wrestlemania-2.html

The Elk says:
thanks
YAY!
it works

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
it looks like its a good feed now let's hope it stays

The Elk says:
agreed
any idea who's up first?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
mitb or tag match I reckon

The Elk says:
urgh this is the one match I didn't agree with the booking on
Jon Morrison is being wasted in this team

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
true; give him a year or two he'll have a title shot here

The Elk says:
I hope so
sucks that they didn't bring out JR

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
maybe for the ut vs. shawn?
but michael is a tool

The Elk says:
agreed

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
spanish announce team, their table won't be there by the end
looks like a damn good venue

The Elk says:
yeah... apparently it's nicknamed The Big Toaster
crowd seems into which is a good start

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah
predictions?
wow quick

The Elk says:
yeah, kind of figured Showmiz would keep the belts thought the match might be a little longer though

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
shawn and ut get 40 min confirmed
RKO

The Elk says:
I'm betting it's Orton over Dibiasa and Rhodes, Punk over Myserio, Drew McIntyre in money in the band, Bret with the Sharpshooter, Sheamus over Triple H UT over Micheals, Edge over Jericho and to be honest a toss up between Cena and Batista

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
in cena and batista we all lose

The Elk says:
And if I'm wrong on McIntyre, it'll be Christian and he'll cash it on Edge

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
Punk, christain in the mitb, sheamus ut and jericho with mcintire cashing in

The Elk says:
I'm curious who's going to get pushed for a bit while UT and Micheals are off after WM

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
drew and edge and sheamus and riodtista

The Elk says:
roidtista! brilliant
when did Rhoades and DiBiase get new tights?
and is that the triforce on Cody's boots?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
thier mom's made them for the event
it is there's an article on ign where he says he's a huge zelda fan

The Elk says:
seriously?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah man

The Elk says:
awesome
okay this is what I thought. Rhoades and Dibiase have different tights because they're splitting them, teasing it now hence the new tights, they'd been wearing more or less matching up until today

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
probably

The Elk says:
and Orton is being pushed as the new Stone Cold

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
minus the beer

The Elk says:
well PG Stone Cold
I liked that double ddt

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
oh yeah
rko
and the stance awesome

The Elk says:
man, I hope they sign awesome kong so Beth Phoenix has someone to work with

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
only reason I don't see it happening is she really doens't fit into the diva mold
mitb!!!
but it would be a good pick up

The Elk says:
yeah the problem they have is they can't do the sexy divas anymore but they still love that look.
and very few of them can work
man MVP's intro got cut short

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah

The Elk says:
This should be good, I like everyone in this match

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
SWAGGER!!!!!!!!!
ANGLE!!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
lol ah Shelton Benjamin, one of the best guys on the roster, couldn't get over in a match with a piece of toast

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
toast by submission

The Elk says:
what kind of submission move would a piece of toast have?
oh shit okay I lied, I like everyone in this match but Kane
...who apparently got corked in the eye shortley
short time ago
I hope Swagger starts getting a decent push back into like IC territory

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
toast's finishing: The cinnamon toast crunch
swagger: yeah but he's got the lisp

The Elk says:
yeah, it's unfortante.
He's like Steve Williams but more atheletic

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah
dude I have to go get my suster at work...I'll be back in an hour send me a text to let me know who won mitb
sister

The Elk says:
cool, msg me when you get back online

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
hit you up when I get back

The Elk said (9:06 PM):
you back yet?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
hey man just got in

The Elk says:
okay so apparently rey beat punk

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
sharpshooter !!!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
not only that, the Hart Dynasty will finally be doing something
I think Vince got one move in, the rest was just a beating

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
10 years of frustration

The Elk says:
the storytelling was great in someways. Vince has stated this is probably his last match so this is a very fitting end for that character

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
true

The Elk says:
and Striker had the line of the night

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
strker is awesome

The Elk says:
Natlia (Niedheart's daughter) punched vince in the face and striker chimes in "Best luck on your future endevours Natlia"

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
nice!!!

The Elk says:
kind of annoyed at Rey/Punk
short match and it killeda feud you could easily keep going for months

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
good job wwe
did we get a sermon from the mount?

The Elk says:
my feed cut out during that match, got it back right after

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
right forgot

The Elk says:
no worries

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
2 canadians in one of the main events = awesome

The Elk says:
didn't I tell you about my pro wrestling in the olympics idea?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
no man
the spanish table is still there must b waiting for the ut match

The Elk says:
lol
I figure you can do pro wreslting in the olympics and judge it like pairs figure skating

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
it's certainably doable

The Elk says:
I figured Team Canada would do really well. Canada, Japan, Mexico, fuck it would be a sport Samoa could win a gold in

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
I miss umanga

The Elk says:
yeah...unfortunately.....
fuck that was awesome
so well timed

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
ok that was aweseome
spear code breaker

The Elk says:
this is good

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
damn right

The Elk says:
too bad it's a crap fest next
E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
y2j

The Elk says:
wow, kind of surprised

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
same here
maybe they're going to extend the feud or swagger banks tonight

The Elk says:
possibly
I wouldn't mind seeing this feud going on a bit longer
and there goes the spainish announce table

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
nice

The Elk says:
I was wrong, it still stands lol

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
taker and shawn will break it

The Elk says:
lol

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yoshi tatsu
divas time to get some foods

The Elk says:
that was the WWE paycheck match

The Elk said (9:45 PM):
...that was terrible but at least it was short

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
sweet ut and shawn are last

The Elk says:
yup. I'm betting this match goes about 20/25 and then the rest with be for UT/Micheals

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah it's only 9:50

The Elk says:
the funny thing is, this feud has actually 1) gotten Batista over as a heel (after how many tries) and 2) Got Batista doing decent promos

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yeah his mike work has certainly improved

The Elk says:
two bad he can't wrestle. He's had one awesome match...against taker... and who carried that one?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
This is the match they've been wanting to do for years...let's hope it's not a complete fuck up
and every time cena has a goffy intro

The Elk says:
I must admit, I liked the year with the marching band

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
that was ok
maybe it's becaus eI hate cena

The Elk says:
lol
I don't hate him, I just think we need a break...like a year
or four

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
or a multiple break in his entire body

The Elk says:
lol
well they've got Bret for a bit, give Cena time off, send him to Calgary...for that matter Batista too

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
there's a sign in the back that says batista likes fishsticks

The Elk says:
HAHAHA
BATISTA IS A GAY FISH!

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
or has kanye west level intelligence

The Elk says:
you know Roidista is a grandfather?
fuck heard Cena call that.

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
why doesn't it suprise me that his kid would be a giant whore

The Elk says:
lol
that and Dave's old
he started late, not as late as the Boogie Man but late

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
spine buster!

The Elk says:
well this isn't as terrible as I thought but it aint great

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
I rather have this than split up edge and jericho and have 1 goo match and one garbage match rather than 2 mediocore matches

The Elk says:
fair enough
fuck that was a sloppy spot

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yup

The Elk says:
I've seen better in indys
urgh

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
dammit

The Elk says:
who the put him up against now? Is there anyone on RAW he hasn't done a feud with?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
trips? again????? good thing I only watch smackdown

The Elk says:
what fucking match were those guys watching? "Highlight after highlight" ???

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
they had the kool aid before the match

The Elk says:
40 mins of UT/Micheals

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
MATCH OF THE NIGHT AND IT HASN"T EVEN STARTED
and the crwod goes nuts just seeing the graphic

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
no bullshit no run ins just let these dogs of war go

The Elk says:
urgh my video fed is lagging but the sound is fine
no monks this year

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
get your popcorn this is going to be a good one
the only thing that would make this better is if jr was calling it

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
I hate cole

The Elk says:
lol
he butchers the word ironic on a match by match basis

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
VINTAGE!!!!!!!!!
I fukin hate him
"IS THE CAREER OVER???????? IS THE CAREER OVER????????"

The Elk says:
wow this is a great old school match

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
wouldn't have it any other way

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
tombstone on the outside
rest spot

The Elk says:
nice!

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
devils gate into pinning combonation!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
2 secs till spanish table obliteration

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
you called it

The Elk says:
oh guess it's the english one first
elbow

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
yup

The Elk says:
or moonsault

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
or is he crazy enough for a moon saut
yes!

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
IT WAS A MOON SALUT!!!!!
refresh!!!!!!

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
match of forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
lol

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
I love that little kick to the head

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
SOME ONE SHUT COLE UP!!!!!!!!!
TAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|

The Elk says:
That was a great finish!

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
match of the night
match of the year

The Elk says:
Sean's neck however must feel like shit

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
the resason I watch wrestling

The Elk says:
How many tombstones?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
2

The Elk says:
I thought there was a few more in there

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
in that flurry there was 2
I think there was two more
are you going to do a commentary on this at all?

The Elk says:
lolI was thinking of posting our conversation

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Elk says:
lol done

6 months till he's back?

E.R.F. -- The Road Scholar says:
december if we're lucky
from what I saw Ortn was good, the tag match was a god way to start, I still have to watch mitb bret did the sharpshooter...I would have liked to see sheamus go over alright mania all in all
and taker and shawn was everything old school wrestling fans wanted

The Elk says:
Agreed, very good ring psychology

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Bret Hart: Surviving the Hitman review



* Full disclosure: Two of the people who made the documentary that is being reviewed are members of the Bite Radio podcast as well as doing some television work for Bite. If you're a fan of our show, you know TATANS has a great relationship with Bite TV and the guys who work there. That being said, I call a spade a spade, always have, always will. Ask Alex Krueger. He's been coming to me for opinions on his writing and his music and he will be the first one to tell you how brutal I can be on a review. And we've been friends for 12 years.

I am an unabashed wrestling fan.

Have been for a long time now. I know it's staged, I know a lot about how matches are constructed and performed and I've even had a chance to meet and talk to a few of my favorites.

Hell, Terry Funk bled on my shoes and I was happy about it.

One of my favorites was always Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Not particularly outstanding on his mic work or in appearance but in the ring he was a technician. Bret seemed to be able to pull out a good match out of anyone. A few weeks ago, I caught a match he had against Yokozuna, a huge Japanese (really a Samoan) with a sumo gimmick and I was amazed at even after all this time that 1) The match still held up fairly well and 2) That Bret made this match work despite the size and style difference.

Bret was also a wrestler a guy like me could look at realistically and think "I could do that. I'll never be huge like Hulk Hogan or Lex Luger but this guy is about my size. If I worked at it, I could be a wrestler too."

But unfortunately his career was cut short in many ways. Starting with the infamous Montreal Screw Job where Bret was "screwed" out of the championship. That was followed by a very lackluster run in WCW (no fault to Bret on this one. He unfortunately jumped on to the Titanic minutes before it hit the iceberg) and a match with Bill Goldberg that probably ended his career. Following that, Bret took a spill on his bike without wearing a helmet. That combined with his previous concussions caused a stroke.

Between the stroke, the concussions, the in-ring death of his brother Owen and the fact that Vince McMahon, the man who "screwed" Bret, now owned the wrestling world (Vince bought his competitor in 2001), it kind of looked like Bret was done with the world of wrestling.

And then Decemeber 2009 came around an the wrestling world learned that Bret was coming home to the WWE.

Which brings us to The Fight Network's "Bret Hart: Surviving the Hitman". The documentary follows Bret's career from starting out in his father's Stampede promotion all the way until after his current WWE return.

The trick with doing a doc like this is to bring something new to the table. Bret's life has been covered in a variety of ways at this point. There's the excellent "Wrestling with Shadows" which filmed during the time of the Montreal Screw Job and captures Bret, his career and the entire situation going into Montreal really well. There's Bret's autobiography which comes across as very honest and has a lot about his life and his career and his thoughts on the business in general. There's also dvds, shoot interviews, etc etc etc.

From what I understand, Surviving the Hitman wasn't just aimed at me, it was aimed a lot of the current viewers who only have a vague idea of who Bret was. He has been out of the ring for a while and with Bret playing a large part in Wrestlemania this year, it might be a good idea for the Fight Network to do a recap and introduce Bret to a new audience.

I'm happy to say that this documentary has something for newer wrestling fans and older wrestling fans alike.

For those of us who know know Bret's story, the information isn't very new but it's presented through a few different voices. We get to hear a bits of the story from his brothers Bruce, Keith and Ross. From Carl DeMarco who used to be president of WWE Canada. From Lance Storm who was a fan of Bret's and trained in Calgary under the Hart family. We even from Paul Jay who directed Wrestling with Shadows.

While the information is well know to a guy like me, it's presented in a fresh manner with a bit of a different take from these other people. I was afraid when I started watching Surviving the Hitman, I'd be bored. You can tell right from the start that you are going to hear a lot of things you already have. But presented in this manner and inter cut with footage and picture montages, I was pretty much sucked in.

If you don't know Bret, this content is new and done in a great manner to quickly grasp while not losing anything. It's an easy to watch Bret Hart history lesson.

The general overall production is great as well. The producers chose to go without a narrator, letting all of the people involved tell the story. I usually prefer this method as it seems less forced and more honest. I also love some of the candid footage they use through out, especially a moment where Bret wrestles with his dog and starts doing a great impression of his father Stu. I was also intrigued seeing Bret watch the screw job match and give a bit of play by play to the whole thing, it's something we've never seen before and it shows you how much this one event did really affect him.

My only complaint and to be completely honest it's not a complaint as it is a compliment is that I want more. I would have loved to see more about Bret after the Screw Job. Just more on his thoughts on his WCW career and match info, more on the process of his return to the WWE. While none of this takes away from the documentary,I'd love to have this on dvd with a second disc of bonus features.

Which I guess, kind of sums up my review. I enjoyed "Bret Hart: Surviving the Hitman" enough that I'd purchase it on dvd and would even buy it as a two disc set despite the fact you can watch it for free on youtube. For old wrestling fans, it has new takes on old information. For new wrestling fans, it will completely gear you up for Bret's return at Wrestlemania. And for non wrestling fan, I'd take a look at it. You might be surprised out how interesting you find it.

Bret Hart: Surviving the Hitman will be airing again on the Fight Network, Thursday and Friday at 6pm, Saturday at 4pm and Sunday at 5pm but if you don't get Fight, you can watch the entire thing HERE

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Mystery Asshole Theatre #4 - Three the Hard Way



To apologize for the lack of posts as of late, and especially the lack of MAT episodes, we decided that March is a very special month.

In fact, it's so special, that we decided to officially christen March as Blacksploitation History Month, in which people of all ages, races, and creeds can gather to enjoy and remember all of the many wonderful blacksploitation films, especially the lesser known ones.

Let's be honest, everyone knows Shaft and Dolemite, but how many remember Black Belt Jones, or our feature on this episode, Three the Hard Way.

This masterpiece plays up the blacksploitative angle just a little further than most, by having our heroes infiltrate and take down a group of terrorist white supremacists. It is as ridiculous and awesome as it sounds.

This movie shouldn't be that hard to obtain by legitimate means (Brent bought a 4-pack that included it for relatively cheap), or simply go to the store and rent.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Predators, Expendables, Machete, Tron! It's the 80's all over again!



The joys of staying up late.

I just happened upon the official website for Predators.

Go check it out and then we'll continue to talk?

Did you check out the sneak preview?

Awesome isn't it?

I know, I know, I shouldn't hype a movie too much before I see it but this is so far looks like the Predator movie I would make. Practical effects, a metric shit ton of bad asses, action!

It's one of those things that I miss in movies.

CG is great and all but some things just look better if it's a guy in a rubber suit. It's part of the reason I loved the Hellboy movies so much in their design. They really got how to mix cg with practical effects and my hope is Robert Rodriguez (who is know to be good at that stuff) instilled this esthetic to Predators direct Nimrod Atal.

Not to mention it's sticking to the original concepts that worked but tweeking them enough so it's a new movie and different then the old. But hopefully not going overboard like the first AvP film.

It's another sign that the 80's action flick is slowing working it's way in. If you listen to the show, you know how much I loved Rambo. Yeah in many ways it was a simple minded film but at least people bled when you shot them.

So we have Predators and then there is The Expendables.

We have every action star in the 80's and 90's in this film with the exception of three (JCVD, Segal and Kurt Russell). They've even thrown in two UFC fighters, Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke for good measure.

Things blow up, one liners are snappy, oh the glory.

Here's the trailer if you missed it:


Which leaves us with one that's coming in under the radar.

Machete.

Machete is kind of an interesting project as it spins out of a fake trailer in the totally under appreciated Grindhouse.


And the film version is essentially going to be this but longer.

And stars pretty much everyone that wasn't available for The Expendables. Some how Robert Rodriguez managed to even get Robert DeNiro in the flick.

But as you can tell by the original fake trailer, it's going to have some good old fashioned violence and one liners.

So I guess the 80's ensemble action flick is coming back.

Now all I need is a Tron sequel....oh WAIT!



It's like I'm 12 all over again!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Episode 18 - Part 4



Finally, we come to the end of the Second Annual Assies, where the Two Assholes, and all of the Guestholes, detail their picks for best and worst of 2009.

In this last part, we briefly run down some of the things we are looking forward to in 2010 (some of these have already been released), and the first inductees to the Assies Hall of Fame for their lifelong contribution to nerd-kind.